Observations through the whiskey glass
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
broken wings
"How are you little one?"
"I am fine. Thank you for your concern kind sir."
"Doesn't it hurt?"
"No sir, it's been broken for so long that I nearly forgot how it was like to have them whole."
"Don't you miss soaring through the skies, free as can be?"
"Not really sir. I can still be free hopping on the ground."
"But don't you miss having a bird's eye view of the world little one?"
"It is subjective kind sir. You might think being up there equates to freedom. You might think that being up there means you can see the whole world at a glance. Yet you might have forgotten that there is a different set of predators up there, and the blanket view from above might not be better than the involved view down here."
"Why so little one?"
"Well, sir. Sometimes it's better to see less, and know less. Sometimes it's better to enjoy what you have around you than to sulk about what was lost. See those crickets chirping in harmony there? See the butterflies flitting round the flowers? If the accident never happened, I would have not been able to enjoy these sights."
"But you could have still landed and watched them no?"
"Haha! Don't take offence for this but most of us live our lives with our eyes close sir. It is usually through an extraordinary encounter that we learn to open our eyes to the little things around us."
"Well said little one."
"Pardon me sir but I have to go. Time for me to feed. Thank you for the wonderful company kind sir."
"Thank you for the enlightening conversation little one. Fare thee well."
"How are you little one?"
"I am fine. Thank you for your concern kind sir."
"Doesn't it hurt?"
"No sir, it's been broken for so long that I nearly forgot how it was like to have them whole."
"Don't you miss soaring through the skies, free as can be?"
"Not really sir. I can still be free hopping on the ground."
"But don't you miss having a bird's eye view of the world little one?"
"It is subjective kind sir. You might think being up there equates to freedom. You might think that being up there means you can see the whole world at a glance. Yet you might have forgotten that there is a different set of predators up there, and the blanket view from above might not be better than the involved view down here."
"Why so little one?"
"Well, sir. Sometimes it's better to see less, and know less. Sometimes it's better to enjoy what you have around you than to sulk about what was lost. See those crickets chirping in harmony there? See the butterflies flitting round the flowers? If the accident never happened, I would have not been able to enjoy these sights."
"But you could have still landed and watched them no?"
"Haha! Don't take offence for this but most of us live our lives with our eyes close sir. It is usually through an extraordinary encounter that we learn to open our eyes to the little things around us."
"Well said little one."
"Pardon me sir but I have to go. Time for me to feed. Thank you for the wonderful company kind sir."
"Thank you for the enlightening conversation little one. Fare thee well."
Monday, July 18, 2005
es·trangement
She opened the door and stepped into her quiet apartment. The three cats welcomed her at the door, silent shadows twirling themselves around her ankles, threatening to trip her. She tossed her bag on the sofa and proceeded to the kitchen to prepare dinner for her 3 young masters.
------
After her shower, she took the heated briyani dinner pack from the microwave and plonked herself in front of the TV. As she bit into the chicken, she promised herself for the last time, not to buy such tasteless microwave packs again. She put the pack down and started observing the 3 cats cleaning themselves after their dinner.
"Sigh.. They sure have good lives. I am sure they enjoyed their dinner more than I."
The twins were snuggled against each other on the sofa next to her while the black tabby was sitting on the cabinet staring at them. She adopted the 3 kittens a couple of years back. She was planning to get 2, just the twins. But he saw the lonely black kitten and immediately took a liking to him. So they ended up going home with 3.
Angel, the black cat, was now looking at her solemnly.
"No wonder they went straight for each other the moment they met. They are so alike. Solitary. Observing. Distant..." She felt a slight ache in her heart as she remembered the good times they spent together...
------
She put the book aside and switched off the lights. She took a while to slowly remove the tendrils of the novel off her mind so that she could attempt a peaceful sleep. Muttering a feeble prayer to God to give her strength to face the next day, she curled up fetal under the quilt.
As a wave of sheer exhaustion crashed over her, the cheerless darkness of sleep swept her away. She finally gave in to the loneliness... and a solitary tear escaped through the corner of her eye.
She opened the door and stepped into her quiet apartment. The three cats welcomed her at the door, silent shadows twirling themselves around her ankles, threatening to trip her. She tossed her bag on the sofa and proceeded to the kitchen to prepare dinner for her 3 young masters.
------
After her shower, she took the heated briyani dinner pack from the microwave and plonked herself in front of the TV. As she bit into the chicken, she promised herself for the last time, not to buy such tasteless microwave packs again. She put the pack down and started observing the 3 cats cleaning themselves after their dinner.
"Sigh.. They sure have good lives. I am sure they enjoyed their dinner more than I."
The twins were snuggled against each other on the sofa next to her while the black tabby was sitting on the cabinet staring at them. She adopted the 3 kittens a couple of years back. She was planning to get 2, just the twins. But he saw the lonely black kitten and immediately took a liking to him. So they ended up going home with 3.
Angel, the black cat, was now looking at her solemnly.
"No wonder they went straight for each other the moment they met. They are so alike. Solitary. Observing. Distant..." She felt a slight ache in her heart as she remembered the good times they spent together...
------
She put the book aside and switched off the lights. She took a while to slowly remove the tendrils of the novel off her mind so that she could attempt a peaceful sleep. Muttering a feeble prayer to God to give her strength to face the next day, she curled up fetal under the quilt.
As a wave of sheer exhaustion crashed over her, the cheerless darkness of sleep swept her away. She finally gave in to the loneliness... and a solitary tear escaped through the corner of her eye.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
terror
I saw him kneeling next to the woman, in a nondescript singlet and bermudas. Other than the long disheveled hair, he could pass off as any of those clones hanging out in the neighbourhood. It was too dark for me to see pass his long fringe to notice his facial features. He was in that position ,whimpering at the woman, who appeared to be sleeping in a fetal position.
My curiosity was drawn by a strange suckling sound coming from their direction. As I moved closer, I observed him raising and lowering his arm repetitively in a mechanical fashion. He was stabbing a blood soaked pencil into the woman's side. Every time he pulled the pencil out of a newly created puncture, her flesh refused to let go, creating the weird sound, just as a toddler refuses his pacifier to be removed. Her side was a mangled mess, her eyes wide open, lips parted in a silent scream. Her soul had fled in terror.
He was rocking on his knees, whimpering, and telling her softly, "Now you know how much I love you?"
He seemed to finally notice my presence. He stopped his stabbing actions and raised his head slowing towards me.
The faint moonlight lit his face, as he grinned at me.
It was my face staring at me... grinning maniacally...
I screamed...
I saw him kneeling next to the woman, in a nondescript singlet and bermudas. Other than the long disheveled hair, he could pass off as any of those clones hanging out in the neighbourhood. It was too dark for me to see pass his long fringe to notice his facial features. He was in that position ,whimpering at the woman, who appeared to be sleeping in a fetal position.
My curiosity was drawn by a strange suckling sound coming from their direction. As I moved closer, I observed him raising and lowering his arm repetitively in a mechanical fashion. He was stabbing a blood soaked pencil into the woman's side. Every time he pulled the pencil out of a newly created puncture, her flesh refused to let go, creating the weird sound, just as a toddler refuses his pacifier to be removed. Her side was a mangled mess, her eyes wide open, lips parted in a silent scream. Her soul had fled in terror.
He was rocking on his knees, whimpering, and telling her softly, "Now you know how much I love you?"
He seemed to finally notice my presence. He stopped his stabbing actions and raised his head slowing towards me.
The faint moonlight lit his face, as he grinned at me.
It was my face staring at me... grinning maniacally...
I screamed...
Saturday, July 09, 2005
This night
I opened the bottle of mineral water and passed it to her, as I listened to her divulging animatedly her dreams and desires.
She laughed goofily as she shared her joy of the moment when she received a card from the girl she adopted. Her voice trailed off as she expressed regret for forgetting to send her a birthday card.
I lit a cigarette as I listened to her in amusement. Her energy was refreshing. Her frankness, infectious. I found myself revealing to her my innermost thoughts and dreams that were long buried.
Soon our conversation was interrupted by the splattering of raindrops on the concrete ground. We stood at the edge of the void deck, staring silently into the rain, each withdrawing into our own thoughts.
I breathed in deeply, mustering strength from the scent of the rain to push the rising sense of regret away...
------
She removed the scrunchie from her hair and ran her fingers through her long lustrous black hair. Then she stepped out of the shelter, into the rain. She raised her face to the night sky, with arms outstretched. I could see that it was an act of cleansing of the soul, as the raindrops flowed down her cheeks. She turned to me and beckoned me to join her, with that irresistible grin of hers.
I flicked the cigarette away and took her hand. I stepped out into the rain and joined her in the private ritual. We stood hand in hand, heads raised to the skies. Thoughts of her impending marriage was not welcomed tonight, as we let Mother Nature cleanse us of our guilt and regrets.
This night, the rest of the world did not matter. We held each other tight, as we danced to the rhythm of the rain, cocooned in our own little world. This night, nothing else mattered, but our love for each other...
I opened the bottle of mineral water and passed it to her, as I listened to her divulging animatedly her dreams and desires.
She laughed goofily as she shared her joy of the moment when she received a card from the girl she adopted. Her voice trailed off as she expressed regret for forgetting to send her a birthday card.
I lit a cigarette as I listened to her in amusement. Her energy was refreshing. Her frankness, infectious. I found myself revealing to her my innermost thoughts and dreams that were long buried.
Soon our conversation was interrupted by the splattering of raindrops on the concrete ground. We stood at the edge of the void deck, staring silently into the rain, each withdrawing into our own thoughts.
I breathed in deeply, mustering strength from the scent of the rain to push the rising sense of regret away...
------
She removed the scrunchie from her hair and ran her fingers through her long lustrous black hair. Then she stepped out of the shelter, into the rain. She raised her face to the night sky, with arms outstretched. I could see that it was an act of cleansing of the soul, as the raindrops flowed down her cheeks. She turned to me and beckoned me to join her, with that irresistible grin of hers.
I flicked the cigarette away and took her hand. I stepped out into the rain and joined her in the private ritual. We stood hand in hand, heads raised to the skies. Thoughts of her impending marriage was not welcomed tonight, as we let Mother Nature cleanse us of our guilt and regrets.
This night, the rest of the world did not matter. We held each other tight, as we danced to the rhythm of the rain, cocooned in our own little world. This night, nothing else mattered, but our love for each other...
Monday, July 04, 2005
Joni, Please Don't Cry
For the past week, a particular topic seemed to recur during conversations at the bar. It brought back certain memories from years ago...
------
"My good friend just started seeing someone new." She said tentatively, thumb twiddling the corner of the quilt.
"Uh-huh." I grunted, as I lit my cigarette while waiting for the PC to boot up.
"Everyone around me seem to be seeing someone." She tested further, eyes on the ground, like a young kid knowing she is pushing her limits with her parents patience.
"And?" I asked, knowing fairly well where this conversation is leading too.
"You know what I want to say. I want an official relationship." She looked up at me with those big, round, innocent eyes.
I turned around and held her by the shoulders.
"Look girl. You are seventeen. And I am nine years older than you. You know it is impossible." I said patiently.
"But my dad is 9 years older that my mum too!" Desperation crept into her voice, as she held my gaze with pleading eyes.
I dragged on the cigarette and answered, " It might work if you are in your 20s girl. You are just a teenager. There are lots you haven't seen. There are lots of issues you won't understand. It is too much of a risk for us to get into a relationship now." I flicked the remnants of the cigarette out of the window.
It was then that she cried. No sobs, no words. Just silent tears flowing slowly down the corner of her eyes.
------
It's been close to seven years since it happened. I am surprised the recent conversations with friends brought these memories back. I thought I had long since came to peace with myself over the guilt. But I guess I haven't.
------
The song that has been playing at the back of my head recently:
Don't Cry Joni ~ Conway Twitty
Woman- Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up someday you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Shine with love forever true
Man - Joni was the girl who lived next door
I've known her I guess 10 years or more
Joni wrote me a note one day
And this is what she had to say
Woman-Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up someday you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with loveforever true
Man- Slowly I read her note once more
Then I went over to the house next door
Her tear drops fell like rain that day
When I told Joni what I had to say
Man- Joni, Joni please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
You're just fifteen I'm twenty two
And Joni I just cant wait for you
Man - Soon I left our little home town
Got me a job and tried to settle down
But these words kept haunting my memory
The words that Joni said to me
Woman- Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up some day you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with love forever true
Man - I packed my clothes And I caught a plane
I had to see Joni I had to explain
How my heart was filled with her memory
And ask my Joni if she'd marry me
I ran all the way to the house next door
But things weren't like they were before
My tear drops fell like rain that day
When I heard what Joni had to say
Woman- Jimmy, Jimmy please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
It's been five years since you've been gone
Jimmy I married your best friend John...
------
"Every abuse ought to be reformed, unless the reform is more dangerous than the abuse itself. " ~ Voltaire
For the past week, a particular topic seemed to recur during conversations at the bar. It brought back certain memories from years ago...
------
"My good friend just started seeing someone new." She said tentatively, thumb twiddling the corner of the quilt.
"Uh-huh." I grunted, as I lit my cigarette while waiting for the PC to boot up.
"Everyone around me seem to be seeing someone." She tested further, eyes on the ground, like a young kid knowing she is pushing her limits with her parents patience.
"And?" I asked, knowing fairly well where this conversation is leading too.
"You know what I want to say. I want an official relationship." She looked up at me with those big, round, innocent eyes.
I turned around and held her by the shoulders.
"Look girl. You are seventeen. And I am nine years older than you. You know it is impossible." I said patiently.
"But my dad is 9 years older that my mum too!" Desperation crept into her voice, as she held my gaze with pleading eyes.
I dragged on the cigarette and answered, " It might work if you are in your 20s girl. You are just a teenager. There are lots you haven't seen. There are lots of issues you won't understand. It is too much of a risk for us to get into a relationship now." I flicked the remnants of the cigarette out of the window.
It was then that she cried. No sobs, no words. Just silent tears flowing slowly down the corner of her eyes.
------
It's been close to seven years since it happened. I am surprised the recent conversations with friends brought these memories back. I thought I had long since came to peace with myself over the guilt. But I guess I haven't.
------
The song that has been playing at the back of my head recently:
Don't Cry Joni ~ Conway Twitty
Woman- Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up someday you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Shine with love forever true
Man - Joni was the girl who lived next door
I've known her I guess 10 years or more
Joni wrote me a note one day
And this is what she had to say
Woman-Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up someday you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with loveforever true
Man- Slowly I read her note once more
Then I went over to the house next door
Her tear drops fell like rain that day
When I told Joni what I had to say
Man- Joni, Joni please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
You're just fifteen I'm twenty two
And Joni I just cant wait for you
Man - Soon I left our little home town
Got me a job and tried to settle down
But these words kept haunting my memory
The words that Joni said to me
Woman- Jimmy please say you'll wait for me
I'll grow up some day you'll see
Saving all my kisses just for you
Signed with love forever true
Man - I packed my clothes And I caught a plane
I had to see Joni I had to explain
How my heart was filled with her memory
And ask my Joni if she'd marry me
I ran all the way to the house next door
But things weren't like they were before
My tear drops fell like rain that day
When I heard what Joni had to say
Woman- Jimmy, Jimmy please don't cry
You'll forget me by and by
It's been five years since you've been gone
Jimmy I married your best friend John...
------
"Every abuse ought to be reformed, unless the reform is more dangerous than the abuse itself. " ~ Voltaire
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previous posts
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