1963

It was January, 1963
When Johnny came home with a gift for me
He said 'I bought it for you because I love you
And I bought it for you 'cos it's your birthday, too'
He was so very nice, he was so very kind
To think of me at this point in time
I used to think of him, he used think of me

He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw tears were in his eyes
He never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, don't point that gun at me
Can I save my life at any price?
For God's sake won't you listen to me?

And though he was ashamed that he had took a life
Johnny came home with another wife
And he often remembered how it used to be
Before that special occasion, 1963
There is too many ways that you could kill someone
Like in a love affair, when the love has gone
He used to think of her, she used to think of him

He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw tears were in his eyes
He never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, you keep on using me
Can I change my life for any price?
Oh, Johnny, won't you listen to me?

He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw hatred in his eyes
But he never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, you keep on using me
Can I change my life for any price?
Oh, Johnny, won't you listen to me?

I just want you to be mine,
And I don't want this world to shine
I don't want this bridge to burn
Oh, Johnny, do you miss me?
I just want to feel free
I will always feel free

~ New Order

------

It was back in 1987, when I was an angsty teenager, that I first heard this song. My peers were all crazy over True Faith ( I believe 1963 was released as the b-side of True Faith) but somehow this song stuck to me me every since I heard it the first time. Not that I dislike True Faith. In fact I thought it was a brilliant song accompanied by a ground breaking MTV. Somehow the melancholic undertone of 1963 touched a nerve inside. I supposed the main reason my peers refused to embrace this song, even though a few of them admitted they like the song, was due to the reason that the lyrics seem to have a homosexual undertone back then. Most of us were rather homophobic at that age, coming from a strict Catholic school too.

These last few days, I found myself humming the song silently in my head again. I decided to search the net and found out that the song was inspired by a conspiracy theory that the shot JFK took was actually meant for his wife, so he can live together with Marilyn Monroe. So, there is nothing homosexual about it at all.

I do find myself drawn into the situation, feeling the joy:

"He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise.."

followed by distress and a lost sense of helplessness:

"I saw tears were in his eyes
He never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me..."

However no where in the song could I sense anger at "Johnny" for his betrayal. Could this be what they call unconditional love?

Since 18 years ago, whenever I listen to this song, I was haunted by the same image of a dark-haired woman, with trails of tears on her face, looking at me in anguish, emanating disappointment, with no trace of anger.

I always wondered, whether this was the look my mom gave my dad almost 32 years ago, when he walked out on her, leaving her a broken woman to pick up the pieces of the family...

"There is too many ways that you could kill someone
Like in a love affair, when the love has gone..."  ¶


17:52 by aberwyn